Lost friends
by Merqurius
Summary: Sirius remembers James and Remus remembers Sirius.


LOST FRIENDS

"_People meeting in secret all over the country were holding up their glasses and said in hushed voices: "To Harry Potter – the boy who lived."_

One person wasn't. Sirius Black was sitting in his favorite chair in his own flat in london, remebering the ones that did not live. He stared into the fire. He did that a lot, because he had noticed that it would bring comfort to his thoughts. But this time it wouldn't. His thoughts stayed as entangled as they had been. Wondering back and forth through his memories. His memories of his best friends, James. Random memories, of the first time they met till tonight. His thought returned to tonight. To the ruins of Godric Hallow and to the ended lives of Lily and James.

When he found Peters house empty, earlier that night, he immediately knew that there was something wrong. He had this weird feeling, alarm bells went off in his head. He apparated to the street where James and Lily lived. He runned to the house, cursing the anti-apparation wards around it. When he reached the house, he knew it. He saw the ruins. He saw the people of the ministry bringing his friends away, there bodies. He had fallen down on his knees and stared at the ruins. He stared for what seemed hours, but were in fact just minutes. Hagrid came to take his godson, Harry and comforted him by putting an arm around his shaking body. Then he went away to bring Harry to his relatives, leaving Sirius alone in his misery. Not knowing how to deal with it, he went home ...

He had never lost someone who was worth grieving for. He had never even cried. He had seen Peter cry, when he lost one of his pets. Remus, when he couldn't handle his condition anymore and broke down. Even James, when his grandfather died. But that had been different. Peter, Remus and James had their friends with them, to comfort them. Peter, who would stutter some words, unhandy perhaps, but the look in his eyes always made up for it. Remus, speaking intelligent words, which were true and helpfull. James didn't speak a lot, but was there to pat their backs and put a friendly arm around their shoulders. Sirius would then try to speak some weet words that made them all smile.

But he was alone. The Marauders were broken and could never be restored. Pter, turned into a foul traitor. James, died to save his little son and the love of his live. Sirius smiled a small smile that disappeard within seconds. James had always dreamed of a death like this, heroic and brave. To die fighting. Secretly, Sirius wished that their placed had been exchanged. The he himself had died and not left behind in this mess. Alone. Because even Remus had deserted him. He was away, doing something mysterious and important for the Order. He probably forgot all about the Marauders. Of course he was in the Order too, but not even one member had bothered to check on him. He was alone in this. No one cared enough. But even if someone had cared, they would not understand. The sinking feeling that seemed to spread through his whole body. The stone which layed heavily on his stomach and the thought that this was a horrible nightmare, that just didn't end.

Sirius stared at the flames and felt tears coming into his eyes. He rested his head in his hands, closed his eyes and began to cry. He cried for hours. He cried for his lost friends, and their son Harry, who would never ben his godson.

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"_Everywhere, people started hearing the news. They whispered it to their terrified families and friends: "He is back - You-know-who is back!"_

But one person wasn't. Remus Lupin wasn't afraid. At least not of his own death. Death would only be a gift. He would be reunited with his friends, James and now Sirius. But even though his own death would be welcome, he still feared it for others. The thought of Harry, Dumbledore, Tonks or any other person who was dear to him, dying before he did was almost unbearable, but it happened anyway. First, James. Everytime he thought about the death of James, he felt guilty. He hadn't been there. He almost forgot about the Marauders. If he had been there, Sirius would have told him about the change in secretkeeper. Then he could have told the ministry the truth and speared Sirius thirteen long years in Azkaban. But he and Sirius had talked about that, admitted that both of them had been wrong and they had made it up. Noe hard feeling anymore. Remus had never been able to tell James he was sorry. Sirius had told him about a hundred times that James would have forgiven him. Sirius even said that if he would die before Remus, he would tell James that Remus was sorry. It was joke, but Remus couldn't put it out of his mind.

It felt good to know that his apology was finally made. But it felt awful to know that Sirius was gone now. After tonight he didn't have the heart to return to Grimmauld Place. Instead, he went to to Sirius small flat in London. He was given the key to the flat when the two friends met again. He was there now, sitting in the favorite chair of Sirius, staring into the fire that he lighted when he arrived. He tried to realize that Sirius was gone, dead. But it seemed so unreal. He had seen James's body. After he heard the news, he went to the ministry and saw him. Dumbledore arrived shortly afterwards and together, they had grieved. But now, there was nothing left. When he thought of James, his heart immediately filled with grief and memories of his dead boyd filled his head. But when he thought of Sirius, he saw great memories of the Marauders. His heart then filled with joy.

He couldn't grieve, just as Sirius couldn't grieve before James died. When Sirius was upset, he would turn his sorrow into rage. He would scream and throw things around. He could hate. It took the rest of the Marauders often a lot of strength and time to calm him down. The Marauders were always there for him, when he would hate.

That was what Remus did now: hate. And there was no one to restrain him or clam him down. He hated Voldemort, the death eaters, and all their foul deeds. He felt the hate flowing through his body, as some kind of powerful energy. He stood up and knocked the chair down. He grabbed the nearest glass and threw it across the room. The glass hit a wall and it's shards fell on the ground. He went on, throwing stuff against the walls, till he grabbed a photoframe. He looked at it and saw a picture of Sirius and James. They stood together with their arm around each others shoulder, smiling. Then Sirius disappeard for a moment and returned with Remus, who then stood in the middle with his arms around the shoulders of his friends.

His hate was gone now, and Remus buried his face in his hands. He too, cried ...

THE END


End file.
